The Bitter One
by Miss. Bra
Summary: When I got the cheque from a strange man, when a familiar tone was voiced through this 'Mae' and when some rich maniac moved to my desolate town, I couldn't put the pieces together. My life, as it was when I was sixteen and seemlessly impenetrable.
1. O n e: T h e B e g i n n i n g

The Bitter One

By Miss. Bra

_Making up the reasons_

_To justify all the hurt inside_

_Cause she knows, from the smiles_

_And the looks in their eyes _

_Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one_

_They're sayin', Mamma never loved her much,_

_And, ah, Daddy never keeps in touch_

_That's why she hides away from human affection_

_But somewhere in a private place_

_She packs her bag for outer space_

_And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come_

_And she'll say to him:_

_I would fly you to the moon and back, if you'll be my baby…_

I never thought the day would come when I hated my life- where everything just went wrong, day after day, after day. I had my bad days, doesn't everybody? I couldn't imagine them continuing, like the sickest, never-ending dream, like the gods hated me. But they did, and, though I tried to live my life, I couldn't help but know I was being damned for my actions. I was being damned because I couldn't forget. Because I _wouldn't_ forget.

My name is still Chihiro Ogino- which has the most unsightly ring to it that whenever someone says it I scowl. Chihiro Ogino, Chihiro Ogino, damn, I was damned from the start when my parent's named me, wasn't I?

I'm sixteen; almost a woman. I'm on my 'P's', driving without an adult, speeding up the main street at three times over the limit, wondering where death will take me. My little death wish, my little green Nissan, belting out Flyleaf music, fuzzy dice swinging on the rear vision mirror.

My mother waited for me at home, but didn't say a word as she walked out the door for her night shift. There was a plate of steaming pasta on the counter. At least she cared enough to leave some.

I ate it as I logged into Face-book and searched the window that said 'people you may know'. I noticed a few girls from school and 'added them as friends', as they would say. For a moment, I had to do a double take when I thought I saw my father's picture. I was sorely mistaken. This holding a large fish man was much too happy to be my father.

I let the music run through the computer speakers and placed my now empty plate and fork onto the desk. I had a paper due and a Friday night to kill, so, like me, I decided that, instead of going out with friends, partying the night away with my mother knowing nothing about it, I would write my paper due in on the Monday. Again.

Not that I had friends. I had acquaintances. You know, people you smile at up and down the hallway whenever you see them, get paired up on assignments when you would have chose someone else. They were nice enough, all these acquaintances. Nice enough to my face, and I thought that was what counted. I knew that they talked about me behind my back, but they smiled to my face. It wasn't their fault, really.

I really hate dragging things on like this, and, well, this is my life, my memoirs, but for you poor people at home, sitting on the lounge, caught up in my life, under your air-conditioning with a happy family, I think I can let you in.

I was thirteen when my father, Aiko, left myself and my mother, Yukko, after fifteen years of marriage. You always see that those who get a divorce are two, maybe three years into a marriage. It is the rare occasion that long term marriages crumble, and I never used to understand why middle aged marriages ended in a divorce. It seemed impossible. Oh, they've been together for fifteen years, they must love each other a lot, they'll last.

My case was not so much.

I can't remember the exact details; I was thirteen at the time- and happy. I knew my father was frustrated at my mother- he was a very political man and cared deeply about geographical statistics such as natural increase. I knew he wanted another baby to take their places, instead of just me taking one parents places. I also knew my mother was infertile.

I remember drawing at my desk when my mother announced to me that 'Daddy' wasn't coming back. I knew she was relieved, but then distraught at the same moment. I knew how she would struggle to support herself and me and keep the house.

We sold the house, which was one of the easiest decisions that I've ever made. My mother cared at least enough to buy a flat in the same town, so I could go to the same school. I don't know how I would have coped if she didn't, how I would have kept my sanity if I was away from _that_ forest for too long.

I decorated the flat, which, she didn't seem to mind. I did the shopping, the washing and the housekeeping while my mother worked for our money.

I don't hear from my father- I haven't for three and a half years.

And so, Monday rolls on, mother works at a department store on Saturday and on Sunday she announces gruffly that she has a date. She's out for most of the night; I hear a deep voice at the doorway as she walks in but she says goodbye, there's a kissing sound and the lift chimes open.

I got up and got ready for school. Mother was sleeping still in her room while I had a quick shower. I pulled on my blue uniform, complete with school girl checked skirt and black leather tie, take money for lunch and grab my bag, stuffing my assignment in as I walk out the door.

The tram, oh what can I say about the tram? It's ugly. Really, really ugly. Ugly seats, ugly stops, ugly people. Full stop, ugly. Nothing else said.

School is like a lock-down, large gates, full fence and a basketball court. There are some boys smoking out the front; they offer me one. I walk past.

I see my favourite acquaintance- Heidi, I think her name is. I can only recognize her attractive face; I don't speak enough to speak her name.

"Chihiro?" She says to me as she walks up. I nod a reply; she seems unfazed and continues to speak. "I really like your hair today, did you do something new?"

I looked at the brown ends that hang by my shoulder bluntly. Did I do something new? It was… straightened, if that was what she meant.

"It's… straightened?" I reply cautiously. Come now, she's my favourite, how can I not talk to her?

She smiled. "Well, it looks good anyway," She smiled sweetly, her cherry lips against her pale face. "We have geography next, but Miss. Lee is away. I think we'll have Mr. James."

She turned out right; which, I never expected her to be wrong. Heidi sat up the front of her class with her apparent 'bestie', someone she trusted all her secrets with, someone that she would fall on. I wondered if this 'bestie' could be trusted, if they had enough will-power to not buckle under the pressures. I had thought trying it out sometime, getting one of these 'besties', but I had decided against it. I didn't want someone else's life screwed up if they couldn't handle the pressure.

I sat down the back, my brown tresses covering my pale face, trying not to draw attention to myself, jotting down notes with a plain blue pen. Though, as much as I tried I couldn't be invisible, I couldn't even be 'un-noticeable'. I was plain, and I tried to work that to my advantage. It never seemed to work.

I got stares from two blonde girls that sat in front of me. I heard them talking about me. They didn't have the decency wait until after class.

"They say her dad walked out on her, cut up her dog in the backyard," One of them said. I found the humour in it, though, no smile graced my lips. That was a new one: my father butchered my dog. I was allergic to dogs. Perhaps I should have pointed that out to them. I wondered what their reactions would have been.

"Her mother doesn't speak about her," The other said. I recognized her from the Supermarket Christmas party. She wasn't as graced enough to be one of my acquaintances. Her name was Mandy and her mother worked with my mother at the Supermarket. "Mum said she asks how Chihiro is going. Her mother never replies."

I almost snorted. Figures.

"She never speaks herself," The first girl said. "I've been at school with her since she's been here. She used to speak. She hasn't spoken since the divorce. Does she speak to Heidi?"

The girl I knew nodded. They obviously thought I was too far away for them to hear their hushed whispers. I could, almost perfectly.

"Heidi likes her," The girl replied. "Thinks she's really pretty." I almost glowed at the compliment. Again, almost. "They would probably be friends if she talked more. She's cold though, I don't know how Heidi puts up with her."

The last comment didn't phase my state of mind. I was happy though my lips were pursed and my eyes were harsh. I couldn't think of a way that I could repay Heidi without getting in too deep with her.

The bell rang and school ended quickly. I handed in the assignment at the office, knowing that we didn't have the subject today and cursing the teacher for making it due today.

Heidi walked out of the school much too quickly for me to catch her, not that I would have. I walked home after school, by myself. I didn't catch the tram and detoured down to the town square to walk aimlessly around the shops.

I loved the jewelers and I knew that if I could afford it, the shop would have been bought out. I saved my pennies and kept my eye on a diamond necklace. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it was something. It was gold and diamond and I knew I would be contented to have it, whether I owned sprayed Britannica jewelry for the rest of my days.

At that moment I was two hundred and thirty dollars off of it. It cost that exact amount. I was broke. As always.

I know what you're thinking; actually, I know what you're gagging for. I know you want to know if I ever thought of Haku. It's been five pages of me droning on about my life and I haven't once mentioned his name. You're probably pulling your hair out as you read this sentence. I am a very cruel creature, I have to admit and I enjoy seeing people squeam. I might just hold you off for a bit longer. No? You don't want that.

Oh, I see, you want to know _now_. Did I think about Haku as I went about my daily life? Did I think about what he done in the Spirit world and did I ever think if he was coming for me, did I ever wonder if he'd forgotten?

And you want the honest truth, do you? I suppose that's what is expected when you ask someone a question. I've been so good at lying the past few years I don't know if I can tell you the truth. Oh, look, I've gone on for too long and you're pulling your hair out again. How amusing!

And the honest truth if I ever thought about Haku, if I ever thought he would come back and save me?

No.

I hope I didn't hurt you. I really do, I hope you don't close the book now because that would be quite a shame. Read all this way to find something you didn't like and just close the book? Life is like that, but you cannot close the book. Solider through, hope things get better in life, because you never know what's at the end of the book.

I always tell myself that life can have a happy ending. Nice thought isn't it? Nice metaphor?

I don't think about Haku, I don't think about him coming to save me because that would be a delusion, and delusions are what kill the best of us. Delusions of grandeur killed off the best of kings and leaders. Really, it did.

To think he would come back and _save_ me? Save, really, save, that's the only way I can think of it. Be like my prince charming, sweeping me off my feet with a kiss, taking me away from the cruel world. Too little, too late- my sweet. Perhaps if I was still a love-sick teenager in the muck of the world I would have come back with you.

So now you know how I feel, really you do. Are all your Haku lusts satisfied now? Oh, their not? Really now, we can't have that can we?

I'm a cruel creature it's true. I'm bitter, apparently, the girls at school say, and, I enjoy watching others suffer. My mother disconnected MTV around three months ago. I'm going cold turkey and it's very hard. I need a bit of chaos in my life, don't I?

Touch wood! The first thing that came into your mind was Haku, wasn't it? Ha, I knew it. You're so pathetic. Did I hurt your feelings again? You aren't going to close the book now are you? That really would be a shame.

I went to bed pretty early, I skipped dinner. Mum's home somewhere… somewhere. Probably out calling her 'boyfriend' I imagine. The phone bill will be high this month. She won't be happy, though, I'll point out it's her fault and she'll snap back and say something like.

"Oh shut up, Chihiro. At least I have a life."

Or:

"Get out of my face, I have enough worries, I don't need you on top of them."

Let's go out on a limb here:

"What, you're out of your little Spirit world? Oh happy day, why now and why see me first?"

Ouch, huh?

Yeah, so I never hid the fact that I went to the spirit world. I told my mother when I was thirteen and a bit. A bit before father-dearest left. I never told mum that I thought she still resembled a pig, but sometimes, as she puts on her always-red dress and applies her foundation, I can still notice her little beady eyes and her greasy, oily pig skin face.

I woke up the next morning and it was raining. The sun had died! Oh, joyous day! It was about time, I was starting to think that this place was too perfect for rain. The reality was soothing.

Mother was up and grumbled around the house. Apparently she had a meeting today and had straightened her hair without looking out the window. I said nothing. I wouldn't want to have to walk in the rain.

I should have touched wood right then because the tram had broken down and I was forced to walk in the rain. Unfortunately for me, when I did end up at school I had little time to seek new clothes and was pushed straight into class. My blue shirt was now see-through. I had a pink dotted bra underneath. My hair stuck to the side of my face and if I wore make-up I'm sure it would have been ruined.

Heidi took pity and gave me her sweater. I took it wordlessly, trying to form a thank you in my mouth. It wouldn't come. It would be one of _those_ days.

I knew my English teacher was annoyed with me when I he asked me a question and I didn't open my mouth. I knew the answer, it was in my head. The question was about poetry movements and the answer was about the poem "The Old Mariner," Or something. But the words wouldn't form and he sent me outside again. I sat in the corridor, wrapped up in Heidi's sweater, watching a documentary through into the next class room.

Eventually, I was let inside and I sat down swiftly, wordlessly. I pulled out my pen and quickly wrote down onto my paper. I was relieved when words started to come out. I couldn't speak, but I could write.

_Dear Heidi_, I wrote in small, precise lettering.

_Thanks for the jumper._

I was stumped. Now what? I couldn't think of anything else to write so I signed my first name at the bottom and slipped it to her.

I tried not to watch as she opened it. I looked up and she smiled at me before picking up her pen and scribbling down a reply. She slipped it back quickly.

_Hey Chihiro,_ Her writing was large and rounded.

_You're welcome, you can take it home if you want and give it back tomorrow._

She was kind but as I read further I felt a horrible ache.

_What's wrong? You seem a little bit out of it? Why won't you reply, why won't you talk?_

I tried to write a reply as to why I was acting the way I did, but as the pen touched the paper, it was taken off again. Could I really tell her why? Would I be as weak as to open up to someone? I didn't trust. The reality was hard.

But I did. It was simple, but to me it explained everything. It explained as much as I wanted her to know.

_I can't. I try but I can't._

I slipped it over to her and she seemed contented at the note. She smiled at me as she slipped the note into her pencil case, away from the teacher's eye. Perhaps she would show her friends later, to prove that she really was breaking me down. I didn't know what she would do and frankly I didn't care. The bell rang and I got out of there.

Heidi caught me after school however and pulled me to the side. I saw the side-way glances of some girls as they walked past. Heidi seemed not to notice, her eyes looked at me, a smile across her face.

"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" She asked me sweetly. Damn it! It was a question! Damn all questions to hell! That meant I would have to answer, and, it was Heidi which meant I couldn't just shrug. I was starting to really hate this girl.

"Nothing," I replied. It was the first time I had talked all day. I didn't think I could do it, but the little word coach that plagued my mind kept jumping up and down. You can do it, Chihiro, You can do it!

She grinned. "That's great," She said, "Some of my friends are going down to a pool that we found. I would like you to come too; I think it could be really great!"

I talked without thinking. I know, it scared me too. "Yes," I said rather quickly. Yay! Two in less than a minute for Chi-Chan! My coach was going mental in my brain.

She gave me all the information and bided me a goodbye as she shuffled to catch her bus. I nodded and turned away, wondering why I was in such a moment of weakness.

That weakness changed, however, when I opened up the door to my apartment and I realized that the door handle was hot. Smoke drifted out from under the door.

It occurred to me as I ran down the stairs, hand-in-hand with a very attractive fire-man that my flat was on fire. I grimaced. As if things could get any worse.

I stayed calm- I was a master at that and no one questioned my non-talking-ness as the entire building was evacuated. We stood outside watching. I could see the flames lick out of my window, the kitchen window. Slowly, eventually they died out. The fire-man's hand never left mine.

Apparently mother had left the stove on and while taking a phone call a nearby tea-towel had become lit, following my daisy bush which lay on the kitchen table and all the bills that lay next to it needing to be paid.

The kitchen was burnt out but nothing else had been touched. Only my room had the distinct smell of smoke and held it for many, many months to come. Some of mothers photos had been burnt and ironically, they all held dad. I thought it was rather amusing anyway. Mum said she didn't know any still existed in the house.

It was amazing I actually owned a pair of swimmers than that they were bikinis or that I was actually considering going on this trip. I'd taken the day off school and had rung the school to tell them why. They said they already knew at it occurred to me that it was on the news. I knew the entire school knew.

I slipped the bikini top over what little I had there and found a strapless beach dress to wear. I packed the swimming essentials, sunscreen, towel, goggles and a sense of fun. Unfortunately, the latter I couldn't find so I left the house without it. I was sure I kept it just under my bed, right next to where I kept the memories of Haku.

Ha! That hurt you didn't it?

Mother actually drove me there! I couldn't believe it. Apparently she wanted to pray by the small shrines by the forest for the fire. They had cleaned her out of all 'negative energy', which incase you didn't know was all the photos of Dad.

Heidi and her friends were waiting for me at the entrance, where mum pulled the car up and I stepped out. She bid me a quick, emotionless farewell.

Heidi was quick to introduce me, but the three girls that stood there already knew my name. I, however, didn't.

They were all varieties, a brunette, a blonde and a red-head. Reminded me of a joke. I could remember their names by matching them with their hair colours. The brunette was named Mia, the blonde, Rachelle and the red-head Amii. They all looked at me with somber expressions, their arms folded across their exposed chests. Obviously, Heidi had not told them that I was coming.

It seemed that they would be civil to me and we walked through the forest. Heidi was chatting with her friends with me wandering aimlessly beside her. I was sort of listening, though, more paying attention to where exactly I was.

Damn, I was in Haku's forest. I know, I said his name again, go mad you girls, won't you? I was seriously pondering leaving the group and wandering around. I looked at them; they were in the pool, splashing about.

The pool was quite small, but was obviously quite deep. It was clear as crystal and I could see anything in it. Small fish inhabited it; I could see the shadows dart along the white sand on the bottom.

The girls were in the pool, the food and clothing had been abandoned to the side of the pool. I noticed Heidi usher me in before she called out to me.

Gingerly, I stepped down to the water. I let the water touch my toes. It was rather cold and swirled around my toes easily. Heidi called out to me again, ushering me to get in the water. I shook my head and she turned away.

It was a while, and they were ignoring me. I decided to slip off my dress and slip into the water. It was cold against my skin and the girls didn't notice as I swam through the water. There was a rock around the middle of the pool. It was just high enough for me to sit. They noticed me then, but they continued to play their game. Marco Polo, I noticed.

Eventually, Heidi noticed and smiled. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't. Amii, I noticed, was looking at me with narrowed ever-green eyes.

"Do you want to play?" She spat. I almost winced at the sharpness of her tongue. I knew she didn't like me. I shook my head.

"Do you know what we're doing?" She pressed on. Heidi scowled her. She didn't seem to notice and continued to speak. "We're playing a game. You would have learnt it when you were five?" She paused and I noticed I was glaring at her. "Perhaps your _daddy_ never taught you it?"

And then, I did something I had no idea I could do. I snapped. I spoke. My voice was raspy and dry and my throat was burning. My voice sounded foreign. "Don't you ever think I am stupid," I seethed. "Don't you ever think that; you have no idea."

And, with that, I slipped down from the rock, letting the water envelope my chest. I swam back to the shore, staggering up the bank, knowing their widened eyes were on me. I slipped the dress back on and went to get my shoes. It wouldn't be long before the word got around that I had spoken to them harshly. And then, I had no doubt, I would be hated much more than I was now.

Perhaps my English teacher would demand to move me out of class, or something horrible like that?

* * *

Disclaimer- I don't own the song 'To the Moon and Back' or the movie Spirited Away. All rights go to Savage Garden and associates, and Hayao Miyazaki.

Please Review.


	2. T w o: C h e q u e s

The Bitter One

Two

_Another ditch in the road  
keep moving  
another stop sign  
you keep moving on  
and the years go by so fast  
silent fortress built to last  
wonder how I ever made it…_

So I won't sugar coat it, I'll skip ahead a few weeks, to where it gets interesting in my life.

For one, I had a lot more nights where I ate out. Kentucky fried, McDonalds, Burger King and Starbucks. You name it, I ate there. Thanks to my amazing metabolism, I managed to stay the scrawny stick that I had always been. Not even a bit of meat. Great, huh? If I was a _stick insect _it would be great.

I was walking through the main park; Toto Park, eating the chicken that I had just bought with my minimal savings when I noticed ruffling in the nearby rubbish bin.

I sat at a table, nibbling on chips when something clawed at my school skirt. Without thinking I pushed it off, hearing a horrible 'mew' from the side. I looked around and moaned inwardly. I had even hurt a cat.

It was probably no older than four weeks and was scrawny, skinny and an ugly grey colour. It looked up at me with its amazing blue eyes, and, upon making sure no-one was around, I slipped it the skin of my chicken. It downed it quickly and started to purr madly.

I gave it my finished chicken bone and knew I would be its friend forever. I knew this when it rubbed up against me and followed me as I tried to go home. As it turned out, I dropped a chip and ran for my life. I had decided already to call him Lou.

Mother was out as I got home and I had a shower and went to bed quickly. The moon was high in the sky, and I knew it was close to midnight as I fell asleep.

I didn't dream. I don't _do_ dreams.

They are a vision of what you want in your subconscious, really. Well, mine are anyway. I always hate them, and I have to admit, they always tell me what I want.

I dreamt of my father once, us as a happy family, how we had used to be. Sometimes I dreamt of living without mum and the pleasures that came with that. It would be no more screaming, no more ignorance and I would be free.

I hated my dreams because they told me, and I would always secretly admit it, about the things I really wanted. Oh, and get this, really. You'll love it.

I never dreamt of Haku. I haven't for years.

I got up the next morning quickly, slipping on my clothes before heading down to see if I could scrounge up a breakfast. Perhaps there were some Cheerios left.

What I didn't expect to see was a man.

He stood at the counter, the steaming kettle in his hands, pouring two cups of coffee out. Obviously, one was for him and the other for my mother. He looked up and smiled at me, his lips stretching across his face. I scowled in reply.

"Who the _hell_ are you?" My voice was raspy and my throat was sore.

"Nam," He replied quickly. I stayed at the doorway, sending him daggers. He never faltered, however, and continued to speak. "I'm your mother's boyfriend."

I always thought she was much too frigid to have a boyfriend, and I must admit, the thought that she could possibly marry again scared me. I hoped, by that time, I was a million miles away from her. It was bad enough having one father and one mother, I couldn't handle another one. And what if he had children?

I hated children. I decided that I never wanted any. Sniveling brats, whining toddlers, I hated all of them with a passion.

I decided that the sooner that this 'relationship' ended, the better it would be for me. Yes, I was thinking of myself, but when was the last time that my mother thought of me. And, I am not being dramatic, as you can see. And I knew when my mother pushed past me to go into the kitchen, ramming me into a wall and kissed Nam on the cheek.

I got out of there quickly and jumped on the tram to school. It jumped off and headed into the large surrounding gates.

As usual, I was snubbed as I walked through the school, straight to English, my first class.

And, as usual, I was sent out. This time it was before I even entered the class room. I went straight to the English head teacher, who gave me a lecture about being in year ten and performing to my highest. Oh, yes, how would I ever get anywhere if the stupid English teacher didn't have any patience with 'cases' like mine?

I was a case, a sickness in the head. My head worked perfectly. I could think and move. Last math lesson, I knew the answer to the square root of minus one. It was an imaginary number. It was a surd, an irrational number, like pi. Nothing hard; but, with 'cases' like mine I'm not even asked.

From the English staff room I was sent to the principal's office. He wasn't there, as usual and the lady at the office handed me five dollars to run up the street and get her a can of cola.

Though you could get cola from the canteen just down the hall, I knew what she meant by 'up the street', so, I took the bus up, showing my consent to the driver.

I spent first and second period down the street, sipping on a milkshake, showing my written consent to anyone that questioned me.

I looked over the real estate, wondering if there were any places that were empty in my budget. Considering I could only afford a few dollars a day, there wasn't much. I pondered getting a job, but the prices of the flats would leave me no choice but to leave school. Then what? What could I do without that? I would be cleaning the floors of the department stores for the rest of my life. It didn't seem worth it.

I jumped back onto the bus and got off on the last stop- the stop for school.

The rest of the day progressed smoothly, only that I realized that I had little for lunch. I was hungry by the end and stopped at Burger King on the way home. I hope the heart-attack-waiting-to-happen that I ordered would help be pack on a little more weight. I was sorely mistaken and was still the stick that I had always been the next morning.

I slinked past my mother and took the keys to our letter box. It was Wednesday and everyday we got the mail. Today was my turn to check it.

I got into the lift and could only hear the agitating lift music that constantly played, not only in the lift, but in my head, hours later.

And so, I got down to the letter box, near the lobby office, where Rei, the assistant smiled at me. She was one of my few acquaintances. She smiled and I managed one back, slipping the key into the hole and turning it slightly.

I gathered the few letters that were in the mail into my arms and walked back to the lift, which, was miraculously still waiting for me. I went through the mail when the doors closed, leaving only me in the small room.

There was three for mum, bills, subscriptions she had to magazines and so on. Then, I widened my eyes. For once, out of all the times I had gotten mail, there was actually one addressed to me. I didn't even scowl when I heard the horrible ring to my name in my head.

I ripped it open, so quickly however, that I didn't really bother about the paper inside. It small, thin, glossy and smooth paper that changed my life forever.

There, in my now shaking hands lay a cheque. Addressed to me, of all people. My eyes traveled down to the amount.

To: Chihiro Ogino

To the amount of: ten thousand and ninety three dollars exactly.

$10,093

Account number: 6792-998

Ch. Number: 13455

From: Larsten Overall

Bank Branch: Green Tree United Banks

I almost fainted in the lift.

* * *

I'm going to try and update this once every one or two weeks, just to let you all know. I have to set myself a precedent otherwise it may never get done.

One or two weeks, one or two weeks!

Disclaimer- I do not Own Spirited Away. I also don't own the song 'Two Beds and A Coffee Machine" By Savage Garden. All rights go to respective owners.

Regards to the reviewers:

XxGaaraxXxLovexX: Thanks for your support, hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Mizaka: Hope no more!

Amerius: Thanks for your review. Yes, those girls are rather mean, but Heidi is a good character. The others, not so much.

Review please.


	3. T h r e e: F a m i l i a r i t y

Three: Familiarity

By Miss. Bra

_But straight away you just moved into position again_

_You abused me in a way that I've never known._

_You abused me in a way that I've never known._

_So break me shake me hate me take me over_

_When the madness stops then you will be alone_

I was already at school by the time the bell rung and walked casually to my next class- Science. I, actually quite liked science, especially the chemical equations that I only seemed to get. Of course, Miss Tue only knew that because of my outstanding test results in the exam we had last week. One hundred percent, no two ways about it and I knew she looked over my shoulder, watching me as I figured out the balance between corrosion ion reactions.

Heidi caught up with me in my last two steps and chatted to me for a while. Apparently, her friends were sorry for the other day at the pool and she wanted to know if I wanted to go to Kobe over the weekend- for shopping purposes. It was her, me (as I said quietly I would come), Rachel (who actually liked me) and another girl that I had never heard of. Apparently, she liked me too.

Class was a breeze, I must admit. Chemistry was just so easy and I could really latch onto it. Miss Tue was a young, intelligent teacher. She was kind and probably only twenty-three. She was exceptionally pretty with always straight, chocolate dark hair. All the boys in my class liked her. She liked me, which I always thought was a little strange.

Upon finishing my elemental sheet, which, Miss Tue marked swiftly, comparing my answers with hers, I sat back to relax. It was then that she called me up to the board, a sweet smile across her pretty face. I almost died.

"Oh, Chihiro, sweetie, would you balance this equation out?" She asked, ushering me up to the white board, handing me a marker.

Wordlessly, I got up, taking the marker from her hand. She almost looked smug. Then, I realized that the English teacher had stopped by (He fancied her, I knew) and Miss Tue was coaxing him into the classroom.

"Chihiro's going to finish the equation on the board. She is extremely good at it," Miss Tue crooned. I almost groaned.

My English teacher (Mr. Lee, if I have never made it obvious, and I don't think I ever have. I hated him too much to let his name grace my thoughts) grunted indignantly.

I got up and quickly balanced out the equation. It wasn't that hard, really. It only really needed three strontium's on one side, and oxygen on the other to become balanced. Miss Tue seemed smug and asked me to do the next one.

This one, however, was considerably harder. It took me a few moments to decide how to balance lithium over three other elements, but eventually, I managed to do it. Miss Tue was smug at Mr. Lee and I scuttled over back to my seat.

"Alright Ken, I'll see you later," Miss Tue bided him goodbye and he left. Miss Tue didn't stop smiling all that period.

* * *

I saw Nam's car pulled up out the front, and by the look of it, he wasn't on much dough. It was an old Ford in rusted red. It was a sedan and manual with a bashed up tail and a fine under the front windscreen wiper. Yes, my Nissan was a Jaguar compared to that thing.

I walked through to the lobby and took the mail out of the box, filing through the bills that seemed always present. Then, as I had expected, as it had been for almost a week now, there was a small, familiar, cream envelope addressed for me.

For a week now, the cheques had been coming in, one after the other, giving me money and no return address, no motive and no letter. They were anonymous giving of money and I hated to be a charity. I assumed it was for our 'fire appeal' that the community had been running and I even let myself think that some billionaire heard about my case and decided to give us some of his spare change. That would have been an interesting case.

But, there was no letters, only a name (and I had searched that name three times over Google and it turned that Larsten Overall was an 1970 c-list actor who died of a drug overdose- and that was going deep, deep into the pit of Google searches) that I had to work with. I hadn't even heard of the branch beforehand.

Apparently, my bank had and now I had a nice little savings account of just over fifteen thousand dollars.

I flicked open my envelope and the cheque only had seven hundred dollars this time. It still said the same thing, in the same strange handwriting and the same strange signature that looked nothing like 'Larsten Overall' at all. I slipped it into my pocket and threw the envelope into the rubbish bin as I walked into the apartment.

I left the bills on our dining table and stepped into the kitchen, pulling out a cream puff that I had made the night before hand. I noticed that two were gone already and I knew that Mum and Nam had had some. Strangely, all the left over cream was gone also. Mum and Nam's door was shut…

I didn't want to think about that and I fell in front of the television, playing with my diamond necklace I had bought as a small present for myself with my first earnings. I knew it wasn't wise, but I promised myself to save the rest, for moving out, or university, or something. I didn't expect the next cheque for two thousand or the next for five, but after the seventh in a row, I got a little hopeful.

I realized that the day was Friday, which was strange. I didn't think Heidi would be a 'last-minute' sort of person. We were going to Kobe in the morning and it wasn't long before she rang me to tell me about the minor details.

So I picked out an outfit before I went to bed, making dinner for one. It was simple jeans and a tee-shirt, which, really, I shouldn't have expected. I liked the t-shirt, I like the colour- purple- and the shining design of flowers and lines that it had on it. My jeans were just that- jeans. I pulled out silver scuffles to finish it off and collapsed into bed.

I didn't dream that night.

Heidi beeped at me bright and early as I scuttled out of the lobby and into her car. It was nice, but small. A small white Mazda with pink cover seats. I slid into the back seat with Rachel, who smiled brightly at me.

"Good morning Chihiro!" Heidi said, looking into the rear vision mirror. She looked stunning as usual. I noticed she had dyed her hair. It was now a blonde, which, to the tone of her skin, looked like her natural colour. "This is Mae; she's new to the school."

Mae turned around and waved at me and I waved back. She seemed rather familiar and talked in slang.

"How you going, Chihiro?" She said quickly, in a strange tone Chihiro was sure she recognized. "It's sad about your condition, isn't it?" Obviously she knew I was a mute.

"It's not my fault," I replied back slowly, forcing the words out of my mouth. Mae looked at me sympathetically and I hated it.

"Yeah, I know girl," She said quickly. Mae turned around, looking out to the road. We were on the highway now and I could see the turn off for Kobe in front of us.

Kobe was… well… Kobe. Large and busy, as Kobe usually is. We decided on one shopping centre, well, two really, as there was one just across the road.

I followed behind as they went into shops and I expressed my opinion on countless clothing. I never knew how bad Rachel's clothing taste was, but Heidi seemed to make up with it. Mae wasn't interested in clothes, though she wore the big brands the way that was the 'in' thing now. As she turned, I saw the silver Chanel symbol on her bag. She wasn't interested in shopping and I wondered why.

I bought one dress, as Heidi had instructed me to. I liked it off the rack, and I only let Heidi come with me to the dressing room.

It was a low cut and showed off what I didn't have there. Apparently, it showed off my 'curves', how a stick can have curves, I'll have no idea.

But it was Mae, who popped her head into the dressing room that said 'Wow, it looks so good on you' to me. I wasn't angry that she had come in, just a little embarrassed and ashamed. Mae, however seemed completely normal (well, most girls are totally normal around their barely dressed friends, I had noticed this from a lot of movies my mother had forced me to watch during my first year of mute-ness) being around me and Heidi and a change room. She even pointed out how skinny I was in a tone that sounded rather familiar.

In the end, I bought it, and it was on sale. I swiped my card, deducting the balance from my amazingly stocked bank account. We went home soon after that.

I checked the mail again as I walked into the lobby. I was thankful that my mother hadn't gotten around to checking it yet. It was only five and she still would have been at work. My fingers brushed over the familiar cream envelope.

* * *

I was walking down the main street on Saturday morning, intending on cashing in all my accumulated cheques. It was none of their business, but I knew the clerk at the bank was wondering where in the world Chihiro Ogino (cringe!) would get all this money from.

I passed the old sewing shop and noticed something that I had never seen before, something odd in the boring-ness of my town.

It was a house, a large house looming behind the frail old sewing shop. The sun glittered off the new tiles of the house and there was a lot to reflect off. How big was this house? Since when did anyone remotely rich move into town? Remotely rich and with a straight head?

The curiosity took the better of me and I slinked between the old sewing shop and the bakery, down into the alley, then out into the street behind the shop.

The street was quiet as I stepped out into it. I took up walking in the middle of the road as no cars ever passed.

It was quite strange, because the big house was much farther back than it looked over the sewing shop- almost four houses.

The other houses were common. They all had common size, common brick and common colours. The big house however, was a lovely cream and was rendered brick. I stood in front of it, admiring it.

It was cream and navy themed, with lovely glossy deep blue tiles across the roof. It was two storied- a rarity in my town with pretty French windows. They, however, were draped with a light cream curtain, letting no peeping toms look into the expensive home. I frowned and took my eyes to the garden.

The garden wasn't really much, but was simple and suited the house well. It was two strips of perfectly green grass either side of a winding pathway of cemented rocks and two navy pots with hydrangeas in them. There was one near the receding wall of the door, under the small patio near the door, and another at the front wall, on the opposite side of the house, just near the door. They were in bloom in a gorgeous purple flower and I could smell their sweet fragrance from where I was standing.

Then, I noticed, I must have looked like an absolute idiot and the owners of the house were probably staring at me through the windows wondering what the hell I was doing. With a flushed face I turned away and scuttled back down the road quickly.

I walked to the bank and cashed my cheques for eleven thousand, bringing my total balance up to thirty thousand dollars.

But, as I walked back, I couldn't help but gaze at that large house that loomed over the old sewing shop, the sun glittering off the navy tiles.

* * *

Disclaimer- I don't own Spirited Away, all rights go to Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghilbi. I don't own the song 'Break Me Shake Me', all rights go to Savage Garden and associates.

Reply to past reviews:

La'Sharna: Thank you. Sorry this chapter doesn't give much away. Keep reading and reviewing. Thanks!

Mizaka: Thanks, I'm glad you took the time to review. Hope you liked this chapter.

Please Review and I'm hoping to get the next chapter up soon. Maybe by Saturday next week.

Please review!


	4. F o u r: D o c t o r s

Four: Doctors

By Miss. Bra

* * *

_Hey there stranger, do you remember?  
You were a part of my life.  
Early December, think I remember,  
Sentiment cuts like a knife.  
The seasons are changing, lives rearranging.  
Full of could have done's, would have been's, _

_All your fault and where you been?_

I was told I was moving up a class in English, which did surprise me. I wondered if my science fling had convinced Mr. Lee to move me up to the top Year Ten English class, or whether he just wanted me out of his hair. Either way, I was happy.

I felt a little bad, leaving Mae back in the Middle English, but she seemed to get over it. Mae had been excessively clingy to me, which surprised me greatly. I was a mute- a freak. What person in their right mind would want to sit with me? But Mae, who talked with a strange drawl that I couldn't quite remember, and often talked to me with such familiarity that it, really scared me, seemed to get over my mute-ness quickly. She rattled off on subjects I had no idea about, asking me about my life. Heidi usually replied about that (Heidi sometimes sat with me, more frequently, however, now that Mae did). For some reason, Mae was continuously interested about my life.

I was so interested in hers, though apparently she hadn't lived much of one. I never asked, obviously, and for some reason, I rarely saw her down the street.

I spend most of my time at Toto Park, wondering where Lou had gotten to in the past week. I found him eventually, stuck in a rabbit burrow, his mews barely audible. I dug up the kitten from the ground, pulling up grass, scratching at the dirt until I got him out. He was skinny and so thankful. I ate Kentucky fried with him that night, letting him sit up on the table with me. I knew if I ever left, that I would take Lou with me.

I had considered leaving, in the first burst of energy that my money had given me. I had considered leaving my mother and her boyfriend and going out on my own. I was going to leave this place and never look back. And then, I thought it through.

My life in the long run was a much greater reason to stay. To leave now, halfway through year ten, with thousands of dollars in the bank would not be the smartest idea. Where would I go? I didn't have a clue about moving out! I wouldn't stay where I had to see my mother, but could I afford to live anywhere else? Our town was surrounded by cities and I knew my little Nissan could only go so far.

I always saw the large, pretty house over the old sewing shop. It was something that no-one could miss. Everyone was talking about it, but no-one knew about the mysterious rich man that lived in it.

I listened to an old woman, a mother and her teenage daughter –who, was in the year under mine- and they had never saw the man. The daughter had seen silhouettes of a tall, lithe man, though and a smaller woman through the light curtains.

I wondered for a moment what they were, why they hadn't been seen around town. Clearly they socialized, didn't they? Though, who was I to judge? But, really, they couldn't be vampires trapped up in a house, could they? I made a note not to come out at night, though, I was sure there wasn't much blood in my scrawny bone-and-skin body.

I walked into the lobby to my apartment and collected the mail. I made an effort these days to get it before Mum did. I didn't even know if she went to check it these days, knowing that I had already gotten it.

It was inching closer and closer to my seventeenth birthday and I couldn't have been more 'thrilled' about it. I was absolutely stoked. Yes, I wouldn't get anything and I made sure of it.

I flipped open the latest cheque in the lone elevator and noticed that for fifteen thousand, it was the largest cheque I had ever received.

It was all like the others though. Only a name and a branch, no address, no reason why this guy was giving me his money, it was totally blank. It didn't stop me from checking the cream envelope thoroughly before throwing it in the bin.

For some strange reason, it was mum and me for dinner. She had heated up two microwave-able meals (at least she cared enough to make me some) and we ate in silence.

"Nam?" I asked slowly. Mum looked up, but rolled her dark eyes.

"Stay out of it, would you Chihiro?" She groaned. "I'm happy with him and it's really none of your business."

I was about to protest, claiming that I was her child and that it was my business to know, but decided that I didn't want anything like that to attach myself to her. The more I denied I was related to _that_, the more my sanity seemed to live.

"Where is he?" I asked slowly. "That's what I wanted to know."

Mum snorted. "He got a pay rise, has to work nights now."

Oh how horrible that would be for her! At least I would be able to get a good night sleep now.

I got up and left, putting my food into the bin and leaving for the night. I went to have a shower, and though I didn't notice, for some reason I could see a light reflected out of the bathroom window.

It was blurred through the iced over glass, and I cracked it open, letting the crisp evening air in.

It was the light to the big house, the top light, on the top story. Why had I never noticed it?

Two large double doors were open, from a small balcony. I could see straight into what looked like a bedroom. It was large and open, with a large double bed straight through.

And then, strangely, the doors closed; through I never saw the figure that closed him. I only saw the silhouette of a man, a lithe, tall, well figured man, taking off his shirt, revealing a chest, then flicking off the light.

I stood there for a while, wondering if the light would go back on, or the doors would open again. I couldn't see if the bottom storey lights were on, and I wondered if the woman of the house would go and join her husband in bed, flicking on the light as she did so. She did not.

I had a shower and scuttled off to bed.

Strangely, I did dream that night.

I was in my Nissan, driving along the highway and for some reason the big house was on the highway. The front door was open and the woman was stepping out. The woman was Mae and she smiled at me.

I pulled up at the house, getting off the busy highway. Mae grinned at me then introduced the lithe man behind her.

"_Chihiro, this is Kohaku_," She said in a strangely familiar voice.

And then, Kohaku smiled at me, one hand over his head, leaning on the door frame. "_Hello, Chihiro_," He said in a strange voice. "_Do you remember me_?"

And I stalked up and slapped him across the face, accusing him of leaving me and hating how he had appeared in my life just at the moment. I was so angry. I slapped him so hard the skin on his cheek bone split and a trickle of blood trickled down his cheek. He just let my onslaught of rage continue. I kept hitting him, punching against his stomach, slapping him repeatedly. Mae had disappeared now and it was only Haku and I.

"_How dare you_!" I screamed at him. I hoped back into my Nissan and pulled back onto the highway. I had no idea of what speed I was doing, but I knew I was going fast. My hands were trembling and my vision was blurred from angry tears. I only just saw myself run off the road.

And then I woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily, the tears streaming down my face.

I punched the wall in my rage, hitting it time after time, ignoring the pain that swelled up in my knuckles, begging me to stop. I wouldn't. I had disgraced myself by dreaming about him, by subconsciously wanting him. I hated myself for it. I hated thinking about him. I wanted him to die in my thoughts forever and to get out of my life.

I wished the wall was his face. I wanted to see it in pain. I wanted to know that he was feeling the same sort of pain that I was feeling. I wanted revenge against Haku. I wanted to hurt him badly. I wanted to see him on the floor, bleeding and broken, so he knew that was the way I was feeling on the inside.

I went to school that morning, an hour earlier than I was supposed to, my swollen, bleeding hand hanging by my side. I must have looked a wreck because the principal rushed straight up to me, took me to his car and sped me off to the hospital.

There, I was in hell. How I hated hospitals. I hated how they thought they could cure me; how that they thought that they could do all the fixing. I was fixing myself, slowly but surely.

I was treated by a very handsome blonde doctor, who was unbelievably kind and young for his obvious medical intelligence. He was compassionate, always asking if I felt okay, or if the ice-pack was helping. Naturally, I just shook my head in a 'yes' or 'no' direction.

I was discharged the next morning after a horrible nights sleep- at least I didn't dream. I got off on the case of the window sill smashing up my hand and the case of me being a mute helped out the case of me not getting medical assistance. The doctor was kind to me and fibbed a lot to cover me. He patted my shoulder on the way out and whispered that everything had been sorted. And for some strange reason I believed him. I actually liked this man.

I went home and rested, though I refused to sleep. The morphine that the doctor had given me was wearing off and I could feel the horrible pain pulse through my hand. I watched endless, mindless television, phasing in and out of subconscious as I did so. I didn't hear my mother come in the door. I heard a murmur and I knew she was yelling at me, wondering what the hell I did to break my hand. She stalked off after moments of uncountable time. I heard the phone ring.

I checked it and saw it was Heidi. She obviously wanted to know how I was. No doubt my condition had gotten around the school quicker than the Black Death. I didn't answer the phone. I let it ring until she gave up.

The next morning, my hand was still in great agony, so I stayed home. I was surprised however, that at eight o'clock in the morning, Mae was at my doorstep.

I opened the door and must have looked horrible because she took a step back with a sudden gasp. "Hey… Chihiro… I wanted to see you. How is everything?" I didn't answer. "That bad, huh? You should really get your windows checked." I almost laughed that she bought that horrible excuse. The blonde doctor was a good liar.

And then, Mae took my good hand and pulled me out of the apartment door.

"I have something that will make you feel better," She said. "A secret and I know you'll like it, Chihiro." Then she paused, just as the elevator doors opened. "Can I borrow the Nissan; I don't want to wait for the bus."

I nodded and handed her the keys. I wasn't going to drive it anyway with a bunged up hand, so Mae might as well take it for a spin.

It was strangely parked in our parking space; mum must have taken the bus this morning.

Mae slid into the driver's seat, I got into the passenger. As she fired up the engine, I noticed how unskilled Mae was as a driver and how shoddy my old fourth-hand Nissan was.

It wasn't a long drive, and Mae drove down the main street. I avoided looking at the large house over the sewing shop, feeling my hands bawl into fists. I didn't want to see it. I turned away in disgust. The large house, no matter how beautiful or captivating, reminded me of him and, for that fact, I hated it.

Mae seemed to hesitate and for a while, we were going around in circles, lapping the small town. I couldn't understand why.

And then, she sighed heavily, seemingly finishing a battle she was having inside her head.

"Alright, we are here, Chihiro," Mae said softly, cutting the engine to my Nissan, parking in the curb. She stepped out of the car and walked around my side, to open the door.

"You'll love it, really, you will," She assured me enthusiastically. "He thought it was not the time to do it, but it is."

I didn't understand what she was rambling on about. My eyes were stuck to the scene in front of me.

"Mae," I spat venomously, "Why did you bring me _here_?"

It was the big house. The top story bedroom windows were open again, and I could see a distinct shadow.

Mae pulled me up the foot path and to the front door. I could see a shadow behind the door and suddenly it was pulled open. Mae grinned, I saw her.

"Chihiro," She said. Oh, god, this could not be happening. The door opened with a horrible slowness. "This is Haku."

And then, the door revealed him. Like my worst nightmare he stood there, confusion written over his face.

"Chihiro?" He said his voice like silk across his lips. "Do you remember me?"

As sure as hell I remembered him. As sure as hell I hated him.

"How dare you," I seethed. I raised my hand and slapped him straight across the face. I heard Mae squeak in shock.

I didn't wait to see what his reaction was, I grabbed the Nissan's keys from Mae's hand and stalked back to the car.

"Oh, great work, Rin," I heard him say. My head burnt and I wanted to hit something. How I wish my hand wasn't bunged up. He would have been pulp on the ground.

I revved the engine and didn't look to see the faces of the two of the doorway. I pulled out of the curb and rocketed down the street.

I drove straight onto the highway, speeding up to 120 kilometres per hour, and gripped the steering wheel with one hand. I had to get out of here.

Haku was here and I wouldn't stand one more minute in the town. I didn't care if I never got another cheque in my life, I didn't want to know he was near me, I didn't want him to be in a world where I existed.

I didn't know at what point I ran off the highway, or how many times I rolled the car…

_Where you been?_

_

* * *

_

Haku wasn't supposed to come out in this chapter, though I lost all seven chapters beforehand and I couldn't really capture the same part that I was writing. It was only one or two chapters, anyhow, and it ended up like this.

How tempting it was to call the Doctor, Doctor Cullen!

I would have updated earlier, though I couldn't find my USB drive. Sorry.

Disclaimer- I don't own Spirited Away, those rights go to Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghilbi. I don't own the song 'Forever', all rights go to Savage Garden and respective owners.

Reply to past reviews:

La'Sharna : This gives it all away. I hope you like it, and thank you for your review!

Zensilia: Wait no more!

Please Review.


	5. F i v e: M a g i c

Five: Magic

By Miss Bra

* * *

All these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls

Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.

Your kisses are like pearls, so different and so rare

But anger stole the jewels away and love has left you bare

Made you cry.....These tears of pearls.

It was like some strange out of body experience that I had. I never thought you could do that. But here I was, looking at the beautiful blonde doctor checking my stats, near a bed I was laying in.

"Poor girl," I heard him mumble softly. I sighed.

And then, Heidi was by my bedside, looking at me with big eyes. I had three scratches across my face, a bandage around my head and a slash across my stomach. Apparently, I was very lucky.

"Oh, Chi, why did you do it?" She whispered, the tears falling over her eyes. "Why are you so cold?"

Ask my mother. Her mother probably loved her, embraced her when she was young, kissed her goodnight. I couldn't remember when my mother kissed me goodnight. I could hardly remember the happy, smiling Yuuko that was my mother of my youth. She was just a shadow compared to what my mother was now.

I felt sorry for Heidi at that moment. I wish she didn't know me. It would have been better for her if it was like that. I didn't want to drag her down anymore. I didn't want her to try and befriend me the way she was. I didn't want her to waste her time with me.

"They say you'll wake up, Chi, soon," Heidi said, taking my bandaged hand. "They say you'll make a great recovery, I don't think they're even thinking about… your problem…" She sighed. "Doctor C says at least two weeks after you wake up. That's pretty good, hey, considering."

I thought of the blonde doctor, lying and pressing my case so much that I wouldn't have to go to Kobe hospital, or even Tokyo. That would have been the worst for me, and my _condition_ and the doctor knew that. How kind that man was, though I had never seen him in my life. I guess that was why he was called a doctor.

"How is she?" It was an irresistibly smooth and silky voice. I matched it with the doctor's face and it fitted, however, I looked down and there was someone standing over Heidi who was most definitely not the doctor.

He was really here, and I wasn't dreaming. It was Haku standing over her shoulder, his eyes set on me.

I wanted to hit him, but I couldn't move- suspended in the air like a ghost. I wanted to scream at him, but they couldn't hear me. My screams fell on deaf ears.

He just stood there, like a god, his figure fine and lithe. He was obviously not a boy anymore and looked around nineteen. His hair was a little longer now, still dead straight and still a dark forest green.

"Stable," Heidi replied levelly. "How do you know Chihiro?"

I expected him to say 'childhood friends' but nothing of the sort came out of his lips.

"Family friends," He said softly. "I was involved with her mother and father for a while."

"How can you let her stay with _her_? It's disgusting how she treats Chihiro. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a suicide attempt," Heidi choked. "Oh, god, I couldn't bare to think that!"

I almost burst out laughing at the sudden shock over Haku's face. Yes, Haku! My life isn't as picture-perfect as you thought it was! I was so happy, he looked genuinely shocked and I eagerly awaited the next words that came out his mouth.

"Who is '_she'_?" Haku asked slowly, carefully.

"Her mother," Heidi said.

"I haven't seen Chihiro for years… It was sort of a surprise thing. I wanted to see if she was alright," Haku choked out. "I had no idea her life was… like… this."

"Her mother hasn't spoken about her since her father divorced her, and Chihiro is always taking the shit for it," Heidi said. "She doesn't talk. At all."

"At all?" Haku asked.

"Well," Heidi seemed hesitant. "Sometimes… she'll talk… If she likes you."

"I do doubt she will talk to me, then," Haku said. "I thought we parted on stable terms… But, I guess…"

"Things change," Heidi said. Then, suddenly, she got up, whirling around to Haku, one menacing finger pointed at him. "If you _dare_ hurt her, I will kill you. Do you understand?"

He brushed it away, his expression calm. "I wouldn't dare hurt her anymore. Obviously, she's in a lot of pain."

"Goodbye then," Heidi said, picking up her back pack.

No! I didn't want her to leave me here with Haku! I wanted her to stay! I wanted the doctor! I wanted Haku to leave; I didn't want him to stay with me alone. I had no idea of what he could do to me. I was scared as he sat down, sighing heavily.

One hand moved across to touch my arm.

"No!" I screamed. He didn't take any notice. The room was empty.

"I know you're here, Chihiro," He said suddenly sternly. "Your spirit is not in your body anymore. Please, let us speak, I wish to talk to you. I know you heard what was just said. I at least want to sort things out. Please."

I didn't reply incase he could hear me now. I didn't move. I didn't want to know if I could or not, now.

"Come on, Chihiro," He coaxed. "Get back into your body or I will make you."

"Do not touch me," I seethed. If he had heard me, he didn't respond. His hands lingered on the arm closest to him.

"Alright," He breathed. "I hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, Chihiro."

I didn't hear him mumble the spell, but I knew exactly what was going on as I was pushed back into my body. I could see all the scratches on my face healing rapidly. I wanted to scream at him, to hit him, but my hands just slipped through his head as if I was nothing more than a shadow.

And then, I was back inside my body and everything was black. I knew I was awake but I did not open my eyes. I refused to open my eyes. I knew I would see him. I prayed that the doctor would come to check on me and order him out. I only had to stay 'asleep' until after visiting hours, then I could make my escape.

I was going to leave this god-forsaken town. Haku would never know where I go. I didn't care if I walked, or if I took the bus or stole a stupid car, I was leaving.

"Alright, Chihiro," His voice was closer than I expected and I tried not to jump. "I _know_ your awake, open your eyes and we can talk."

I didn't move, I controlled my breathing and heart rate and tried to stay 'asleep'.

"Alright then," He sighed. "I guess I'll have to use more magic then. I really hoped you weren't as stubborn as this, Chihiro. It is really quite frustrating."

I braced myself, but I couldn't feel a thing. I didn't think he had done anything until his hand suddenly slipped across my cheek and the heart monitor by my side went crazy. My heart had blown it for me.

Suddenly, I felt something… fuzzy… slip across my mind. I instantly sat up, gasping, my eyes wide. Haku chuckled beside me.

"It could have been a lot easier if you had just woken up like you were told to," He chuckled. "Now we can talk… or," He rephrased. "I can speak, whichever suits you."

"You dying would suit me," I spat. "Leave!"

He seemed a little taken back, but not shaken. That annoyed me greatly. I wanted to break his heart. I wanted to break him like he had broken me.

"Fine," He said, leaning back on the plastic chair next to my bed. "I guess I will be speaking, instead of us talking. I will, however, get my point across never-the-less, of what you say or do. You _will_ know my side and you _will_ understand it." Then he smirked. "Your friend told me you only talk to people you like. Considering that and how crazy that machine went when I touched you, I would say that there is an attraction you do feel for me. I am glad the feeling is mutual."

So he loved me? I turned away from him. I turned away from that word. I didn't care if he loved me, whatever 'love' was. I had forgotten.

He continued to speak, none the less.

"I'm sorry I found you in such a… condition," He spoke, "And I cannot help to think that… I brought on the crash… and I'm sorry Rin found you. It was much too early. She was supposed to find out how you felt about me… If you… Remembered me or not."

I wished I didn't remember him.

"If you didn't remember me," He sighed. "I would accept that. I wasn't going to force myself onto you- to make you remember what you obviously didn't want to. But…" Then he sighed. I didn't care if I was making it hard for him. I was enjoying the fact he was struggling. "If you did remember me… I wanted… you… to still… love… like me. I can see now that that isn't a possibility. I would give you a choice of the two, if you wanted me to stay, or to leave, but I can't because I know what the answer will be. It would be the first- you wouldn't want me to stay. But, I can't do that; I can't just… leave you when you know me."

I snorted.

"It's selfish I know, but I can't help it. I will still be here, whether you want me or not," He spoke. "In the big house behind the sewing shop, I'll be there. If you ever need me at all, Chihiro." Then, he sighed. "Maybe the feelings I have for you will die as you get older- as you start your life and move away. Or," He said suddenly. "I might just take your option and die. That _would_ be pleasant, much better than living with a broken heart."

I almost grinned. I had given him a broken heart. I had accomplished it! And then I frowned. Why didn't it feel as satisfying?

He caught my frown and interpreted it wrongly. "Oh," he said suddenly, "that displeases you?"

I turned to him sharply. "Leave!" I hissed, catching the light head of the blonde doctor.

Haku complied and got up out of the chair. "Remember, Chihiro," He said softly. "And… please… Try to consider my side and not be… so cold."

Haku left and the attractive, blonde doctor stood beside my bedside, a warm smile across his face.

"Ah, Chihiro, I'm glad to see you are awake!" He hummed. "It's good you got to see your visitors. They must care about you a lot. Are you in any pain?" I shook my head and he pressed the morphine down on my monitor. He smiled warmly. "Alright then, try and get some rest, Chihiro. The nurses should be around soon. I'll get them to order you some food. I cannot imagine how disgusting it would be to eat through a tube."

And then he left, walking off swiftly to other patients in the block. Haku was no where in sight and I suddenly felt fine. I sighed heavily and sunk back into the pillow.

No one visited that night, or for a while in the morning. No, not until late at night was when Heidi visited. Apparently, she had heard from Mae that I was awake.

"How do you feel? Oh, sorry, that's a question," She mumbled and then sighed heavily. "Your family… friend… came by," She said and I winced.

"Haku?" I asked softly.

"I think so, while you were asleep. I didn't catch his name, he seemed nice though." Heidi sighed and pulled out her homework. French class, I noticed. She did it while mumbling to me. "Have you ever considered moving out, Chihiro? Perhaps in with me; or with that man?"

I snorted. Heidi winced.

"You don't like him?" She asked meekly.

"No," I replied coldly.

"Oh."

Heidi stayed with me until half-past- six until the handsome doctor came around again, checking my stats and drip, mumbling to himself softly. I wondered if he had a wife, maybe as beautiful as him, and if they loved each other very much. I asked so.

"Do you have a wife?" I whispered. He shot his blonde head up and smiled warmly.

"Yes, I do," He said softly.

"What is she like?" I asked again.

"Beautiful beyond compare…" He murmured softly, a lovely smile against his face. "At least I think so, anyway."

"What's her name?" I whispered.

"Emalie," He said softly. I recognized her. Emalie May worked down in the local flower shop. She was insanely beautiful with beautiful golden locks over her petite shoulders. Naturally someone as beautiful as the doctor should marry someone such as Emalie.

"She is beautiful," I whispered back to him. "I have seen her."

He smiled softly. "And I love her very much," He replied. "You, Chihiro, are just as beautiful," He whispered.

"I wish I had someone that loved me as much," I replied softly. His brows puckered over his eyes.

"There is definitely someone out there for you, Chihiro," He said softly, "Someone who loves you for who you exactly are as a person. And he will love you as much as I love my Emalie"

The thought scared me greatly, though in the moment I was too caught up in with my 'conversation' with the doctor. The thought of someone loving me was scary. I didn't want to let anyone into me- to know me. I didn't want to be hurt again. I knew Haku loved me. He had admitted it so.

And that absolutely petrified me.

* * *

Disclaimer- I don't own Spirited Away or the song 'Tears of Pearls' by Savage Garden. All rights go to respective owners and in no way am I making money from this.

_An update on a Thursday, I think that's pretty good. Next update will hopefully be maybe… Tuesday. _

**Zensilia****: **Lol. It was such a temptation, I have to say! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for the review.

**Vycre**: Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for your review. :D.

**Mizaka**: You can be happy again now. Thanks, here's another update for you.

Please Review.


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